James, Sirius and Their Story
by serpentine-f
Summary: MWPP's biography, with everyone's characters exaggerated. Just for a laugh.


**A/N- I wrote this to keep you all busy while I sort out my plans for The Spy Who Loved Him. Btw, have faith in me with that story. I WILL finish it.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter (couldn't anyway, I'm under eighteen).**

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**The Biography of the Marauders, by James Potter**

_With commentaries courtesy of Sirius Black _

**Hey! This is MY story!**

_Your story ABOUT the Marauders, and therefore I have the right to leave comments._

**Well, I'm a Marauder too, you know, Sirius?**

_Yeah, and that's why you're allowed to write this biography._

**Oh, just shut up. Are you _trying_ to leave comments all over the page?**

_Fine._

**I shall begin thus: **

**_A long, long time ago, there was a huge castle. In it lived the Marauders. The Maraud-_**

_I thought you were supposed to write a biography, and not a fairy tale._

**So? I can start it however I want.**

_By the way, we didn't live "A long, long time ago", James._

**Yeah, whatever. Fine. I'll change it.**

_**James Potter was leaning against the wall, coolly watching the scene from aside. It was extremely amusing, for a black- haired boy with startling blue eyes, supposedly named "Serious", (or was it Sirius? Seriously!) was being chased after by a horde of girls, all of whom looked angry.**_

_**One of them shouted: "Stop! Somebody, stop that thief!" **_

_**Pointing at the boy named Sirius, another shrilly screamed, "Look! He's getting away!"**_

_**Soon, it turned into a race, everyone, save for James, running after him. **_

_**James smirked. He simply lifted his arm and looked at his watch before pressing a little button on it. **_

_**Suddenly, everyone stopped running. The boy named Sirius was to be seen lying on the ground, not moving.**_

"_**He isn't dead. I simply shot him with a sedative from my watch," said James quietly.**_

_**Everyone turned to look at Ja-**_

_WHAT?? Why am I, and not Snivellus or something, the thief here? Change it immediately!_

**No way!**

_sigh You leave me with no choice but to..._

**Ouch! Sirius! If you do that again, I swear I'll... uh...**

_What'cha gonna do, huh?_

**Fine, fine.**

_**There was not anyone in the near past and future that dare compete with the Marauders. They of the good looks, extreme intelligence, bravery and friendliness. Loved by everyone, th-**_

_Nope, this isn't the nineteenth century anymore, James. Maybe you are too far behind (hint, hint)? In time, of course._

**Sirius...? Don't you_ dare_ comment- Hey, OUCH! Will you quit zapping me?!**

_Change it! Change it! Change it!_

**You wanna try rap, Sirius? No, wait- forget I mentioned that!**

_James 'o Pothead, he wants me dead,  
He-_

**SIRIUS! Fine! I'll change it!**

_**Tip toeing across the corridor… Out to explore the secrets-**_

_You make us sound like the bad guys, James._

**Okay, fine. That's IT! I'm NOT writing anymore. You can write it if you want, but I ****AM NOT! Hear that?**

_Yeah, yeah. Okay, here it is:_

_Sirius Black. The most popular guy in Hogwarts. He was handsome, smart and everything else positive._

_He had beautiful dark- brown, almost-black hair and blue- green eyes. He-_

**Actually, it's black hair and blue eyes.**

_Shut up, James. It's MY story._

**Hey, it was MY story.**

_Until you decided not to write it._

_Well, anyway, Sirius Black. He was the most intelligent guy in Hogwarts. He scored Os on all his OWLs. _

_No one could ever beat Sirius Black._

**You are NOT the cleverest guy in Hogwarts!**

_Like YOU are?_

**Actually, I am. You didn't even get a single O, you got mostly As, by the way. With an E in Transfiguration.**

_Shut up! I got an O in Transfiguration!_

**Sure, if there wasn't an 'O', "Transfiguration would be spelt "Transfiguratin"**

_Shut up!_

_What did you get for your OWLs, by the way, Mr Think- you're- so- smart?_

**I got straight 'O's**

_Liar!_

**Not!**

_I remember you getting an A in Charms and Potions, and also Herbology._

**You can't use the word "and" more than once in a sentence.**

_Whatever! I've made my point, anyway. _

**And that would be?**

I AM THE BEST!!

…

**Yeesh, Padfoot, you're so narcissistic. **

_Hey, don't say that! Don't even THINK it! My cousin is called Narcissa and she's terrible. She's a follower of You- Know- Who and thinks she is the best because she is pure- blooded._

**Your family has the weirdest names. Like: Regulus, which is not a regular- sounding name, Narcissa the narcissist and lastly, Sirius the person who is never serious.**

_Hey! I take offense to that!_

**Hay is for horses.**

Hey! Don't think- Oh wait! Never mind.

**I'm going on with the biography, seeing as you've "started" it.**

_JAMES!_

**Yes?**

_JAMES!_

**I'm perfectly aware that that is my name, Padfoot.**

**Anyway, **

_**Peter Pettigrew. Known as Wormtail to his comrades- the other three quarters of the Marauders. Peter, to the people outside the Marauders, seemed small and therefore insignificant, but they could never be more wrong.**_

_**Peter, owing to his small size, had a great advantage over the others. He was the key in almost every operation. He was-**_

_That is not a biography._

**Neither was yours.**

_I'll show you how a biography goes:_

_James Potter was born around sixeen years ago on a cold, wintry day. He-_

**It was autumn, Sirius.**

_-was a prankster by heart, by core. Naturally, when he came to Hogwarts, he and three __others formed a group- the Marauders. These four Marauders were the most popular guys in all of Hogwarts, respected by guys, worshipped by girls. All smart, all handsome._

_But James wanted more. He didn't want any random pretty girl. Instead, he wanted one of the only girls in Hogwarts who didn't think of him as a god- Lily Evans._

**You SURE you're not up to something?**

_Because of that, he spent six of his (currently still six) years at Hogwarts chasing after her (he started chasing after her in Second Year). _

**Sirius, don't even THINK of mentioni-**

_Lily thought of him as "an obnoxious prat whose head is as big as the Giant Squid" and didn't keep it a secret. She always dissed him in front of everyone whenever he asked her out. But James, the ever- patient, never gave up, and kept on asking her out._

_Days went by, nights flew past, but everyday was the same- James asking Lily out, Lily declining and insulting him. So it is, the conclusion be-_

**SIRIUS!! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! I DO NOT HAVE AN OBSSESSION ON LILY!**

_Hey, no one mentioned that. You admitted it yourself!_

**Sirius, I think you should go back to kindergarten. Your grammar is terrible.**

_What is kindergarten?_

**SIRIUS!**

_Yes? That is my name, I know._

**Copycat! And kindergarten is a muggle school where children between the age four to six go to.**

_Um, hello! I'm a dog!_

**Oh yeah, forgot to mention.**

_**The Marauders are illegal animagi, save for Remus. In fact, Remus was why they were animagi in the first place. Remus was a werewolf, therefore the others became illegal animagi to help him with the transformation, as having scents (of a non- human living thing) that he knows, helps the pain and torment of the transformation. **_

_**James was a stag and therefore nicknamed Prongs, Sirius, being a dog, was nicknamed Padfoot, Peter was called Wormtail as he was a rat. Remus was nicknamed Moony, due to his lycanthropy, because of which he turned into a werewolf every full MOON.**_

_Huh, very SUBTLE._

_**The Marauders extremely disliked a certain boy with greasy skin, oily hair and a **__**hooked nose. His name was Severus Snape, nicknamed "Snivellus" or "Snivelly"by the Marauders.**_

_**Incidentally, Severus Snape happened to be the best friend of Lily Evans-**_

_Huh, Lily again!_

_**- before Hogwarts and until her Fifth Year. Severus Snape was everything that was negative. He loved the Dark Arts and was a worshipper of You- Know- Who. He-**_

_Hey, look! That's Lily Evans over there!_

**WHERE?**

_Ha! Thought you said you didn't like her! Obssession much? _

...

_Hey, Prongs! Where are you going? James! James!_

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**A/N- Read and review, people!**


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